This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want nice things and good sex
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
