I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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