i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
