Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
