you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
