Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
