airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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