Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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