Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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