just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
