I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
