There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
