I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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