Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's never too late to be topless.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
