Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
