tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
