ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
