this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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