If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
