Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
zippers are such a cool invention
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
