Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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