I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
