My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
