We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
