that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
