Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize