I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
