The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
