How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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