Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
