I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
