apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
