pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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