Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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