Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
