Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You are the jesus of drinking
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