The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize