Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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