i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
