Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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