just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
