I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
