I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
