its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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