Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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