dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
