Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
