You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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