everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
