He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
