we're blogging at a bar
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
