I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
