I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
