I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
