two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
