Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
