Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
