so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
