If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
