do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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