She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I die, sorry about rent.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
