I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
