I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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