you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
