So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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