guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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