Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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