i can't believe i had my finger in that
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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