So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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